Monta Ellis

Monta Ellis of the Golden State Warriors just spent more money on body art than I will make this entire year.  That is one detailed tree though.  The NBA is facing a pandemic of overly tattoed black men.  There are more bad tattoes on an NBA court than at bike week in Laconia, New Hampshire.  The only difference is the really shitty tattoes shine right through on those pasty biker chicks. 

My Morning Jacket Sound Like The Allman Brothers

So, this is the Allman Brothers, right?  There is no way the Allman Brothers didn't right this song.  That piano and guitar sound like it is coming from a Gainesville bar in 1973.  Nice work Jim James.

I Love You Guys

     I love everyone of you.  My life is literally worth nothing without the people in it.  Saying that, I wanna say a little something about the type of person I am.   On May 13th, this blog had made $74 American dollars.  I donno about you, but that is a shitload of beer money.  So, I didn't respond to the important e-mail within 30 days and Google took away my advertsing money.  Sorry, Kate.  I know you were a clicking soldier.  I suck at makin this blog legit, and I suck at making myself legit.  I can party harder than anyone reading though.  Where will that get me?  Fuckin nowhere. 

How about these Senior citizens just sucking up all the money in the budget with their Medicare???  Talk about a bunch of greedy old folks.  Hey, I'm sorry your 74 years old and everytime you piss your dick hole burns;  the new policy is that you have to deal with the pain, or committ suicide.

That last paragraph would be a joke, but it is what real Republicans believe.  I am not a partisan person.  That is the truth.  If you are 74, and your dickhole burns;  you are shit out of luck.   I long for simpler days and more political parties.  Hitler's Germany had 1 party.  Democratic America has 2.  Are we really all that much better????


PS-  That is Mikey and his boys getting on Barstool Sports.  Buncha pussies if you ask me.  Who wears a green Oakland Athletics hat???  Only pussies where stupid green hats.

Guys A DoucheBag

Jeff Green and Delonte West let this one slip through their fingertips.  That is not a figurative form of speech, my friend.  These two actually let the ball slip through their fingertips and right into Lebron Jame's egomaniacal head of his.  I thought I hated Kobe, but he doesn't even compare to the amount of disgust I feel for Lebron James.  The guy is a dirtbag.  There is not a normal person in the world who could look at him and say, "I'd smoke some weed with that guy, or have a couple beers." 

He is the worst kind of athlete in this country.  If D-Wade didn't break Rondo's arm after the foul and Danny Ainge didn't fall under the spell of the genie from Kazaam, this series would have been a different story.  I'm not even all that upset at any of the Celtics.  Rondo had one arm, Pierce, Allen, and Garnett are in their mid-30s and Perk is not even on the team anymore. 

I wish the NBA was like soccer and we could lease players out for about a month or so.  We could lease Pierce to the Bulls and not tell anyone until he comes out of the tunnel for Game 1 against the Heat.  Lebron can't beat Pierce when they have equal supporting casts.  Pierce is the man and his teammates were dropping passes like Terrell Owens out there.  Lebron is an overgrown baby who has been spoon fed everything his entire life, and I hope the real phenom eats him up next round.  That's right, I'm talking about Tom Thibodeau, the defensive mastermind of the past 3 Celtics teams.  Thibodeau will have Lebron making his trademark crying face more times Bin Laden prayed to Mecca in the past ten years. 

Go Bulls.  Fuck Lebron

Does anyone know this band besides me?

      I, Mikey, is to Radical Face as Kyle is to My Morning Jacket. I found this band just surfing the pandora radio. I've been listening to this band for about a week now. Just keeps getting better and better every time. The man behind the shaggy beard singing these beautiful lyrics is Benjamin Cooper. He wanted to create an album about memories and ghosts being left behind in old houses. Cooper classifies this album as a concept album. He says that people dont like to hear that an album is a "concept"  album but he finds that a concept album can unveal a persons true ideas.


      Alright here are a couple of his tracks which are my personal favorites. Listen to it through twice because you have to get used to the new sound then you'll fall in love, I'm telling ya. These two songs have pretty amazing videos, also. The "Doorway" track kindof reminds me of that movie "Lord of the Flies."
Enjoy

Welcome Home-Radical Face



Doorways-Radical Face

Homer Simpson and Shaqille O'Neal. The Greatest Tag Team Ever.

Homer Simpson is a legend.  He is right up there with Babe Ruth, John Henry, and Paul Bunyan.  At some point, it doesn't matter whether their story is fiction or non-fiction, they become a part of American mythology.  A man that is reminding me of Homer Simpson and their parallel paths to becoming obsolete is none other than Shaquille O'Neal.  He is that tall Irish guy who runs up and down the court like a cripple for the Boston Celtics.  Just hung on for a little too long, and one extra paycheck.

I believe that Homer has done the same thing.  Ya, he can come at you with a witty one liner or make you laugh when he is drunk, but their is a younger generation of cartoon characters running circles around him in the TV business.  Homer and Shaq are champions, but now they look like they belong playing in the YMCA summer league.  Lebron is like Peter Griffin and Kobe is like Stewie.  Just beating Homer and Shaq at their own game.  It is a sad realization if you ask me.

Homer and Shaq broke in together.  It was the early 90's, Clinton became the first rock n' roll president and here comes the two coolest bald headed characters that America has ever known.  Homer won an emmy, and Shaq won an emmy for Kazaam.  I'm pretty sure Shaq has been to outer space just like Homer.  These two rode all the way to the top together, making hit records and making everyone laugh along the way.  When Shaq finally does hang it up, I hope Homer does too.  It's gonna be worse than watching Muhhamed Ali fighting past his prime.  Homer and Shaq are legends, let's hope people remember them like that.

Who Is Funnier?

vs.

So, I have been fighting with this for a couple months now.  I put in the research and I studied hard.  I still do not know which is funnier.  Is Eric Cartman funnier than Peter Griffin?  Is Peter Griffin funnier than Eric Cartman?  The world may never know, but I gotta try and find out.   That is what life is all about, right.  Give it the ole' college try, which is funny because I did not try one lick in college, unless you count trying to beat Sonic or Cruis'n USA with one hand.   I put together 3 top clips of each and then it is up for the world and the internet to decide who is funnier.    Click to see the top 3 clips of each and make an educated decision.  And let's all be honest with each other here, nobody even comes close to the drunken genius that is Homer Simpson.  Man was way before his time, the epitome of what it means to be an American male.  This is really a debate for second place fame. 

Is This The Greatest Goalie Ever?

The man behind the iron mask right there is none other than Andy Tobin.  Kid is a beast on the street hockey scene.  Makes Tim Thomas look like a child out there.  This is quite possibly the greatest photo anyone has ever taken.  It really captured a moment.  You can almost smell the intensity. 

Anyways, Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers.  Too bad your kid ain't as good lookin as this goalie, but what can you do?

Taliban Uses Spoons To Dig Out Of Afghan Prison

Gizmodo- In their biggest prison break since 2008, nearly 500 Afghani detainees (mostly Taliban members) escaped from the Sarposa Prison through an underground tunnel, dug from the outside. Now the U.S. military is searching high and low, hoping to corral the escapees back in. The crazy thing is that they built this long tunnel using nothing but basic tools—no machinery.





It's like I always said, people are gonna get complacent when you occupy a foreign country for a decade.  And that means the bad guys are gonna escape outta jail with spoons and sticks.  After a while, it's not war anymore, it is just showing up for work.  I mean the first couple of years were war, but then doesn't it become a real dangerous work environment for everybody over there.  Let's bring all the 19-year old Americans home and place a few strategic Jason Bournes over there and the problem is solved.  Why waste these kids who volunteered there everything on a buncha fucking Afghanis who throw stones at women and believe in the most preposterous shit. 

I guarantee you the Afghani Police were in charge of this prison.  That is what's so fucked up.  Afghans against Afghans and we just kinda pick a side.  They use spoons to dig out of prisons, and we are walking around with M16s not knowing who is on our side.  Time to wrap it up and let the spies, secret assassination teams, and CIA take care of whatever it is we are taking care of in the hills and poppy fields of Afghanistan.

Human Cannonball Man Bites The Dust

(CNN) -- A man who was taking part in a human cannonball show in Detling, England, was fatally injured Monday when the event failed to go off as planned, Kent police said.
The incident occurred in the afternoon during Scott May's Daredevil Stunt Show at the Kent County Showground, southeast of London, police said.
The British Press Association, citing police, said a safety net failed to engage.
A statement on the Scott May website said all shows had been canceled "until further notice."
The stunt show, which has been touring since 1991, features monster trucks, two-wheel driving, fire stunts and car crashes.


You don't say?  The guy who was acting like a cannonball suffered a mishap and died.  All you extreme people out there make me scratch my head.  What posseses a person to become a cannonball?  In elementary school, when my teacher asked me what I wanted to be, I said normal things like, ballplayer or firefighter.  I never heard anybody tell their teacher, "I wanna be a cannonball when I grow up."

Maybe the most successful human cannonballs make a decent living, but I am sure atleast a handful go down in the heat of battle.  It is just inevitable in the cannonball industry.  There will be casualties.  It's written right in the handbook.  

Jimmy Carter Leads Elders Into North Korea

The Week-Ex-US President Jimmy Carter arrives in North Korea as part of the group of Elders to discuss food shortages, nuclear weapons and human rights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A group of Elders, huh?  What is this, Middle Earth.  The council of Elders just doesn't seem like it fits into the 21st century vernacular.  More of a 15th or 16th century vibe. 

 

 I wish him and his broken down crew all the best, but I just do not see them returning home victorious.  I didn't even think it was safe for a shitload of old white guys from America to fly to N. Korea.  I hope that plane had more than one bathroom because all the commercials tell me that old guys have huge prostates that is constantly putting pressure on their bladder.  Remember, "It's not a going problem, its a GROWING problem."    Inside that plane must looked like a floor at Mass General.  Wrinkly old dudes hooked up to IVs and piss bags. 

 

North Korea really has got to get its shit together.  Nobody wants 90 year olds coming to tell them what to do.  It's like, we all know you've been there and done that, but c'mon grandpa, you don't even wipe your own ass.  So, my advice to North Korea is to shapen up, and shapen up fast, before we send not just Council of Elders, but the whole damn flock.

Free Antoine!!!!

(CNN) -- Antoine "Bed Intruder" Dodson, the man whose TV news rant against a would-be rapist became a viral music video and his ticket to celebrity, was arrested for marijuana possession, according to Alabama authorities.

Your tellin me this guy carries around marijuana with him.  I never woulda guessed it.  Looks like the President of the College Republicans if you ask me.  In all seriousness these laws are straight up wack.  Brotha Antoine here was just twirpin on some weed and the law enforcement got all up in his shit about it.  He wasn't rapin anybody.  You don't gotta hide your kids or your wife from this pothead.  Cuz potheads are harmless.  They don't even move all that much.   The injustice this young black kid from Alabama felt.   If I was black and in Alabama, I would do whatever it took to get out of Alabama.  Just doesn't have a good reputation with the treatment of black people.

NFL wide out gets stabbed by his wife, then defends her by saying he fell on a broken vase. Come on bro.

My man, my man. This is your girl? Gotta step up. Reporters list her at 5-9 and 155 pounds. Like dude thats bigger than me. But when your getting treated horribly ( just what I suspect from a roidraged wideout ) you gotta give your man "the poke" just so he knows you are still there to nag him. You know I am kindof on Michi's side because like you know she is getting treated like an old Nintendo 64 with Sonic in it. Just getting kicked aside whenever she is pleadin' for her needs. This dude don't care. He's is the god dam NFL. On the contrary its going to be Monday tomorrow and its Easter today and I know all of you are at your aunts, chillin, watching tube just thinking to yourself when would be a non awkward, lull in the crowd so you dont have to kiss 3 million people goodbye. I would like to give you a wish of good luck that you do not do what this lady does because that would be horrific and I dont want to write about your quarter life crisis.

PS- Dont forget your 5 hour energy tomorrow at your local convienant store so you dont have that 230 feeling anymore. As that deep voiced, goodlooking actor said on that annoying, rip your hair out commercial, "That was fast and easy." EF OFF!

- Mikey

Okay, is Homegoods the best place ever or is Homegoods the best place ever?

  First off, this is Kyle's hermano pequeno (who is definately cooler, better looking, funnier and just all around fresher.) Kyle keeps saying that the Homegoods blog is coming but fuck him, hes a bitch and will never write it, so I'm going to have to take the spot light with his 12 follower blog and I am certain that I will have this blog bumpin' by the end of the day with this one eye catching blog.

  But lets get to the center of this animal. Homegoods is the best place ever. I have only been there 2 or 3 times but where else can you buy fucking that Buddha guy just bein huge smoking like an ancient pipe. Also, I was amazed that I saw Ted Danson ( the mini statue ) of course there. I wanted to buy it but I never have any money on me because thats the way I roll. Just you think of home goods as the place where your old social studies teacher goes to get all those statues of fucking Alexander the Great( dude was a tank, learned about him last year ) but NO. This shit is real, I kinda wanna go right now. But i cant drive and god is peeing on us so there is no chance in hell im going. But I hope y'all like my blog cuz Kyle shit the bed and does like 2 blogs a week. So I thank you all! You are all my new followers! The lug has lost his chance and the young buck has prevailed.

PS- Trivia question. What movie am I watching with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon? (Nuts right?)

Where else can you get awesome shit like this???  The answer is nowhere but Homegoods, kid.

-Mikey

Is This Real???

The alien in the video from the last post stole the black kid's drink.  That got me thinking about racist undertones in movies and commercials.  And, my god, it did not take long to find the funniest, most racist commercial I have ever seen.  My only question is, Is this shit real?  I don't see how this could have ever been OK to make in the 21st century.  I guess it was OK in the 1980's.

The father in this video is a pussy, huh?  Can't get his own drink.  Can't cut his own shrubs.  Needs some dark-skinned brothers to do all the hard work and he just get to sit back and sexually molest his daughter.  Fuck the Confederacy and their value system.   It involved enslaving a group of people based on the shade of their skin.  What an arbitrary reason for being a slave or being free. 

Anyways, here is the the video.  What do you think about it?

Big Macs and Hot Beats

Guess who's back??  Shady's back.  Back again.

Those three lines right there are my absolute best Eminem impersonation.  Does not get any better than that for this guy.  I have no rapping skills.  I don't have his swagger, but dammit I can write his lyrics in a blog.  Shit, they may not even the right lyrics. 

I had a long week of not writing any blogs.  They don't pay me enough money to keep typing words in this little box for everyone to read.  And by everyone I mean 12 people.  Something had to drag me back in, and I found it this morning.  I saw this classic video of a movie from the 80's and just have to share it with all the unfortunate souls who stumble upon this god forsaken website.

How 'bout that alien takin the black kids drink?  The aliens a racist!!!!!