Clippers Can't Get Anything Right

Black History Month has been celebrated in the United States since 1976, and entire generations of Americans have grown up knowing that Black History Month falls every year in February. Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling doesn't appear to either know this, or he doesn't appear to care. Either way, he's celebrating Black History Month in March this year.
So says an ad he took out on Sunday in the Los Angeles Times, celebrating Black History Month in a March 2 game between his Clippers and the Houston Rockets.


Whether it is missing on draft picks or missing the correct month to celebrate Black History month, the Clippers can find a way to fuck it up.  So do you just not give your kid a bath for a week and then ship him off in some raggedy ass salvation army hand me-downs for the free tickets?  Or does underprivileged just mean "black kids?"  The Clippers keep it funny and I love it for them.  I should work for the Clippers in their marketing deptarment because clearly whoever let this get through has an IQ lower than Forrest Gump.  Atleast he could run the shrimping boat industry.   These dumbasses can't pass the 4th grade.  Im still here blogging and their in LA collecting paychecks they clearly do not deserve.  Dumb Fucking Clippers.

He Put the Crack in His Crack

A Fort Pierce, Fla., man riding a bicycle thought he had the perfect spot to hide his crack, but he didn't count on a police dog's sense of smell.

Clarell Jamar Colbert was arrested after police found a tube of crack in his buttocks after a drug-sniffing dog smelled a "narcotic odor coming from his rear," according to tcpalm.com.

According to a police report, Colbert, 19, was spotted by a St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office deputy Feb. 18 riding his bike in the middle of the street, where he was obstructing traffic.

When the deputy approached Colbert, he jumped off his bike and started getting "very loud." When the officer tried to pat him down, Colbert "pulled away when he got near Colbert's rear waist line," according to the report.
As the deputy searched Colbert, he felt something tube-like in his behind. A drug sniffing dog was called in and immediately smelled the "narcotic odor" where the sun don't shine.
Colbert was taken to a nearby church's bathroom so that the deputy could get the tube out in private.
When the deputy retrieved the tube, he found it contained 12 crack cocaine rocks. He also found $145 on Colbert.
Colbert was arrested on charges of drug possession with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia.


This has got to be a drug sniffing dogs dream come true.  Just another day at the office, sniffing packages of weed shipped through the mail then boom, dog gets a call to go smell some ass.  Sniffing ass, making money, finding crack, just adds up to quite posiibly the greatest day a dog could ever have.  What the fuck is going on down in Florida?  Nineteen-year-olds got crack up their ass.  Save that for the crackheads, bro.  Your to young for that shit.  It couldnt have been comfortable riding around town on a bicycle with a tube up your ass.  Shit I'm sure it's never comfortable.  All I know is that if I was a drug dog, I would immediately put in my transfer papers to go to Florida.  Enough crack and ass for life.

Denise Milani Makes You Lunch

It's abotu one-thirty and everybody out there is getting hungry, so Denise Milani was nice enough to show us how to make our very own Chicken Salad.  I donno about you, but I am going to have to watch about 50 more times just to make sure I don't forget a step. 

A Creative Nipple For Your Thoughts

Here is a nipple to get you through this long and treacherous Monday.  And it's for a good cause, so looking at makes you a better person.  Stare Away.



Get Charlie Sheen This Job

Jack Dickey-  Have you ever wanted to announce the lineup of a historically mediocre baseball team? Stepping up to the plate, your catcher, number 55, KOYIE HILL!
Well, you're in luck—the Cubs seek a new public address announcer, and they're having an open casting call.
Qualifications sought:

Strong vocal talent, excellent enunciation skills
Strong public speaking skills and ability to speak extemporaneously to large crowds
Strong knowledge of baseball
Must be available for all Chicago Cubs 81 regular season home games, makeup games, tie breaker games, play-off games and non-game day events. Schedule includes nights, weekends, non-traditional hours and holidays, as needed
Ability to work outdoors during periods of extreme weather
Prior experience working as a Public Address Announcer in collegiate or professional sports (television or radio preferred)
Interest in supporting Cubs' community and charitable efforts a plus

This is a dream come true for Charlie Sheen and his people.  When God's closes one door another one swings wide the fuck open.  Charlie could spend his summer in Wrigley having the absolute time of his life.  Drinking beers during a hot afternoon in Wrigley.  We could all get high off a little "Charlie Sheen." The lowly Cubs wouldn't have to resort to putting Derek Jeter on their own billboard.  I only see positive things coming out of this arrangement.  Charlie Sheen is the next Harry Caray whether you like it or not.  He would be the biggest attraction in the entire place.  Make this happen Chicago.  Charlie needs a job.

Charlie Sheen, Everybody

                                                                           

There is nothing I can say that tops the lyrical genius that comes out of old Wild Thing Rick Vaughn
's mouth.  This is just one of the many interviews he has given that turn out to be journalistic gold.  Click the link and see for yourself how amazing Charlie Sheen really is.

Charlie Sheen Interview



Tomorow is National Pancake Day



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For those of you in search of diabetes and heart disease, IHOP has got you covered.  They will be serving up free pancakes tomorow, March 1st, on National Pancake Day.  Get there early to beat the old people who have a free-shit radar built into their wrinkly asses after they turn seventy years old.  On a side note I was sitting next to this old hag killing yesterday afternoon at a bar and the bitch it ordering water, popcorn, crackers, basically whatever she can do sit next to greatness like myself.  The old bitch goes ahead and leaves the bartender two dimes, can't even get a stick of gum with that loot.  Anyways, free pancakes tomorow, bring your bat to beat through the crowd of geazers that will be crowding every IHOP across the nation. 

China's version of a Smash and Grab... Mostly Just Smash

That one Chinese bank teller is ducking and weaving like the man is firing bullets at her.  Dumb bitch it's bulletproof glass.  She should take a lesson from Teller #2, just calm as fuck as the dumbest motherfucker in china tries to hack his way through this bulletproof glass with an ax.  When he tries to get in he reminds me of Jim Carrey coming out of that rhino's ass.  Is he even swinging with all he's got?  I'm not one to judge, but if you're gonna be robbing a bank I think a more time efficient method is in order here.  Maybe this is the standard operating procedure in china.  The best part is when he comes face to face with the cops and the dude freezes like a deer caught in the headlights.  That's what you get for taking 6 hours to rob a bank.  I know it's early but this guys wins dumbass of the day.  No contest.

Pennant Fever Grips Hub!

Red Sox win 6-0

 

Kevin Youkilis leads the Red Sox to a 6-0 win over Boston College in their Spring Training opener.

 

 

The Red Sox punished those high flying Eagles yesterday down in sunny Florida and I'm pretty sure you know what that means. We've got the title all but wrapped up.  Youk homers, seven pitchers shut out that juggernaut of an offense over in Chestnut Hill, and the Yankees are shaking in their boots. 

 

PS- My sister got to hang out with John Lackey not too long ago.  They have a common friend or some shit like that.  She swore he is not as ugly as the tv makes him look.  I told her dumb ass that she was just subconsciously smelling the money emitting from his pores and that was making her all hot and bothered.  Usually the guy with 80 million dollars looks better than schmucks like the rest of us making just enough money not to die.  Either way he is still ugly as fuck, but atleast he has the voice of an angel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spice up Your Saturday Night

So it's Saturday night and I hope you are having a good one.  Well if you don't have anyone to lay down with at the end of the night, I'm here for you.  If you just ripped your 3rd line of cocaine and are feeling invincible, then this post is for you.  Spice up your Saturday night with the Hawaii Warriors basketball squad and make some money.

PICK-  Hawaii -3 v.  New Mexico St.

This is Our Man

In honor of the Scouting Combine, which is an even guiltier pleasure of mine than watching marathon of that fat guy on Man V. Food, I would like Bill Bellichick see who I want in the draft.  So, Bellichick, if you're reading, which I know you are not because noone does, get Mark Ingram.  Fuck this value shit.  Fuck it.  We got a shitload of picks.  Let's get a stud in the backfield.  A young Corey Dillon bowling all over the New York Jets.  Hit Rex and his D right in the mouth.  For the record I think Rex got a winning record against you Bill, so its time to man up.  Mark Ingram is our man.  Not a couple 3rd rounders.  Mark Fucking Ingram.  Get it done. 

Burned to Death in Voodoo Sex Ritual

New York (CNN) -- Candles used in voodoo sex ceremony caused a fatal five alarm fire after they tipped over and ignited bed sheets in a Brooklyn, New York, apartment, authorities said Friday.
The fire left an elderly woman dead and injured 20 firefighters and three Brooklyn residents, according to a New York Fire Department statement.
A voodoo priest allegedly placed the candles on the floor around the bed on Saturday after a woman paid him $300 to perform a ceremony with a sexual component, that was meant to bring her good luck, fire department officials said.
The candles were accidentally knocked over during the ceremony prompting the man to douse the flames with water and open a window in an effort to clear smoke from the room, the statement said.
Forty mile-per-hour wind gusts instead shot the flames back inside the room, it said, creating a "blowtorch effect" that whipped through the open window and pushed the fire into the building's fourth floor hallway.
"Time and time again we respond to tragedies that could have been so easily prevented," Fire Commissioner Salvatore J. Cassano said in the statement. "This fire had so many of those elements ... hopefully others will learn from this tragedy."
The occupants fled the apartment, leaving the door open, the statement said.
Nearly 200 firefighters from 44 companies took seven hours to bring the fire under control.

Authorities are currently investigating the incident.

Now was the elderly woman just an innocent bystander in this voodoo sex dance gone haywire.  She couldn't possibly be the customer in this little Shindig.  You would figure that a voodoo priest in brooklyn banging an elderly lady and getting her to pay for it would know how to put out a fire.  The more I think about this, the more this priest is just a male escort who specializes in voodoo fucking.  This fire is going to seriously hurt business.  Nothing your voodoo dolls, toys, and sex can do about sir.

Rain Beats Snow.... Remember That

I am hearing on the radio everybody talking about the rain and it ruining their day. If people don't got anything to complain about, then they have literally nothing to talk about.Oh, rainy days make me sad.  Fuck you, get over it.  I for one am glad I don't have to be like Johnny Blow Torch over here and de-frost my car. Don't gotta wake up an extra hour early to half-ass shovel my way outta the driveway when it rains. I'll take the rain and sludge over snow and ice every day of the week. 

Daft Punk Bottles Going Around the World

Following a successful collaboration with Mika in 2010, soft drink giant Coca-Cola follow-up on some exclusively designed bottles with Coca-Cola “Club Coke.” Produced in two distinctive colorways based on Daft Punk mimicking the helmets worn by the French duo, the gold and silver bottles will see a limited production run beginning in March 2011. In addition to the general release at clubs, the bottles will be packaged in a collector’s box as a set, made available exclusively through colette in Paris. Further information on this project will become available through Daftcoke.com, which goes live in a few months.

Do these Daft Punk coke bottles make you wanna rage your face off and munch on mdma until the cows come home?  Or do these Daft Punk coke bottles make you lose all hope for mankind?  Or do you not give a shit about Daft Punk?  Shit, your personal choice might be Pepsi. I personally believe they should put the ectasy right in the bottle, but there is probably some law agaisnt that in this prohibition state of ours.  Just left with some lame ass coke out of some lame-ass bottle like our great-grandpas used to drink.

Seperated At Birth?

This Libyan Guy really does look like a cartoon character now that you mention it.

If You Thought You Were A Dumbass, This Guy's Got You Beat



Kate Hannaford - Rodney Knight, who took a photo posing with his stolen loot whilst at his victim's house. He then posted it on the homeowner's son's Facebook profile. Really.



He was quickly nabbed by the police and the homeowner—who happened to be a Washington Post journalist—and has pleaded second-degree burglary at the D.C. Superior Court.


I would like to take a minute and give Rodney Knight here a big thank you.  Last night I drank so much red wine that I woke up this morning with a blob of burgundy colored puke on my comforter and next to my bed.  Don't remember throwing up in the middle of the night, but the evidence was staring me in the face.  The rug, the comforter, two pairs of pants that were thrown about on the floor, all heading to the dump this very second.  I felt like a dumbass.  But here comes Rodney Knight, robbing bitches and letting them everyone know through social media.  A fucking dumbass for the ages.  Thanks for making me feel a little better than I did this morning Rodney.

Randy Quaid Skips Outta Town

The troubled Hollywood couple will be allowed to stay in Canada indefinitely... and, possibly avoid the felony charge against them in the U.S.

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, have avoided facing a felony vandalism charge by hiding out in Canada, and now it looks like they might just stay there. Photo: Facebook

The bizarre saga of Oscar-nominated actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi continues. When we last checked in with the Quaids, they were seeking asylum in Canada; losing half a million dollars in bail for skipping out on a court date in Santa Barbara, Calif., where they've been accused of felony vandalism; and talking to Vanity Fair about the "shadowy cabal" of murderous extortionists called the "Hollywood Star Whackers" that were after them. Now, it looks as though the Quaids will be staying in Canada for good. Yesterday, the quirky couple announced that Evi had won Canadian citizenship, and Randy would be allowed to stay as well.


This is the type of shit I'm talking about.  Fucking wacko hollywood stars get to stay out of jail just because they saved the world from Alien Annihilation on Independence Day.  Bogus is you ask me, if this nutbag and his nutbag wife vandalized some shit let's lock em up.  Instead they'll become canadien, start sayin "eh" at the end of every sentence, and praying to a statue of Wayne Gretzky.  On second thought, you can have them Canada.  Fuck actors and their fake world bullshit.  Probly won't even make 500k my whole damn life.  They just leave it off at the jailhouse like its no biggie.  Dickheads.

Perk Hits the Road To Glorious Oklahoma

So I get out of work at 5 to hear Felger talking about Perk being shipped to the Oklahoma City Thunder.  What a blow to me, but what an even bigger blow to Perk.  I mean I don't know how the trade will work out in the end, but for Perk it cannot get much worse.   Pretty sure this is where we shipped the Indians when we kicked them out of the goddamn country.  Perk goes from the Celtics, the most storied franchise in NBA history to the OKC Thunder, the team with a name most comparable to an MLS Club.  Shit ain't right.  But Life ain't fair.  Hopefully see ya in the finals buddy, it was nice watchin ball.

PS-  Fuck Nate.  Little Man hasn't hit a shot since December.  Lost me more money than my drinking problem.

Who Wants a Fart-O-Meter?

So I guess some foreigners spent their time building the fart-o-meter and I couldn't be happier for it.   Once and for all we can now see who has the deadliest gas.  The fun that this could contraption could bring a bunch of overgrown man-children is infinitely endless.  Then it begs the question,  would you still fuck a smoke even though she's got the fart-o-meter high score?  Everyone knows chicks secretly love rippin ass that smells like rotten chicken soup. 

Get Me This SoloWheel

Like a stripped-down Segway, Inventist's new Solowheel is geared for the mobile urbanite. The "self-balancing electric unicycle" operates through gyroscopic technology, which a 1000-watt rechargeable lithium-ion battery powers. On a full charge (which takes about 45 minutes), the Solowheel lasts two hours—but the battery actually recaptures energy when going downhill.
Weighing only 20 pounds and consisting of little more than a simple wheel with a fold-up foot platform on either side, you can easily throw it in your backpack or briefcase once you reach your destination, or carry it by its convenient handle.

Gadget's really aren't my thing, but I'd love to the be the first of my friends to get a hold of this thing. 
Buddy:  "Hey, Kyle, what's that you're riding around on?"
Me:  "Oh, just the newest invention out there, the Rolowheel."
They would be stunned and would immediately want to be just like me.  It's tough to jump to the conclusion that this is for the "mobile urbanite."  Sounds more like it is for the fat piece of shit who wants to eliminate walking entirely out of their life.  400 pound creatures are going to be riding dirty in a city near you soon.  Get your cameras ready Folks!

PS-  I don't live in the city, but I love the dynamic of bringing in another group of people to get pissed off at.  Bikers, Cars, Pedestrians, Skateboarders, ROLOWHEELERS.  Shit makes my day.

Better Kool-Aid My Ass

If I drink this Kool-Aid at La Senorita's Mexican Restaurant and a bunch of space ships don't come and abduct me, I'm gonna be fucking pissed. 

Chinese Gamer Just Games Too Damn Hard.

A Chinese man has died after a three-day online gaming session in which he did not sleep and barely ate, reports say.

The man reportedly lost consciousness at an internet cafe on the outskirts of the Chinese capital, Beijing.
He was rushed to a clinic but could not be revived, the Beijing Times said.
The 30-year-old man, who was not identified, was said to have spent more than 10,000 yuan ($1,500; £928) on gaming in the month before his death.
China has more than 450 million internet users, and online games - which can involve multiple users role-playing in a virtual world - are particularly popular with young men.
Researchers say tens of millions of Chinese people - many of them teenagers - are addicted to internet gaming, despite curbs introduced by the authorities aimed at tackling the problem.
Similar deaths have occurred in other nations. In 2005 a 28-year-old man died in South Korea after playing online games for 50 hours without a break.
This has got to be a gamer's worst nightmare.  What if this guy was about to invade the castle with you and BAM!  He's dead and your avatar got nobody to invade the castle with.  Listen, everybody in America is complaining that Charlie Sheen goes on these 36 hour benders full of cocaine and strippers.  Where I come from cocaine and strippers equals sustinence.   No reports on Sheen starving to death out of Hollywood, but that's exactly what happens with Chinese gamers.  Leave it to the Chinese to have a gaming epidemic worse than Miami's coke problem of the 1980's.  I love how this article says "similiar deaths have occurred in other nations."  Sounds pretty Chinese to me.