Well, you're in luck—the Cubs seek a new public address announcer, and they're having an open casting call.
Qualifications sought:
Strong vocal talent, excellent enunciation skills
Strong public speaking skills and ability to speak extemporaneously to large crowds
Strong knowledge of baseball
Must be available for all Chicago Cubs 81 regular season home games, makeup games, tie breaker games, play-off games and non-game day events. Schedule includes nights, weekends, non-traditional hours and holidays, as needed
Ability to work outdoors during periods of extreme weather
Prior experience working as a Public Address Announcer in collegiate or professional sports (television or radio preferred)
Interest in supporting Cubs' community and charitable efforts a plus
This is a dream come true for Charlie Sheen and his people. When God's closes one door another one swings wide the fuck open. Charlie could spend his summer in Wrigley having the absolute time of his life. Drinking beers during a hot afternoon in Wrigley. We could all get high off a little "Charlie Sheen." The lowly Cubs wouldn't have to resort to putting Derek Jeter on their own billboard. I only see positive things coming out of this arrangement. Charlie Sheen is the next Harry Caray whether you like it or not. He would be the biggest attraction in the entire place. Make this happen Chicago. Charlie needs a job.
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